CLEVELAND – Ever have the kind of day where you’d rather stab yourself in the eye with a rusty spoon than listen to any more excuses, bullshit or equally infuriating negativity our insipid, mundane life has to offer? Then welcome. This is me at my most nihilistic.
Yes, I’ve been under the weather lately (honestly, I never get sick — but when I do it’s obscene. Ugh). So perhaps that’s part of the equation. But I’m not talking about sickness.
I’m talking about being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Life is cruel, indifferent, deaf. Sometimes you have to shout, cry out, stomp your feet. Whatever necessary to shake it off and move on. So I am. Via another rant.
I am SICK AND TIRED:
Of year after year after year of hearing NO from others, and especially an industry I love, an industry I have sacrificed countless hours, relationships, blood, sweat and tears for — only to continually be overlooked, disregarded, disappointed, jaded and patronized. Too smart. Too enthusiastic. Overqualified. Underqualified. Too young. Know-it-all. Entitled. Cocky.
>’What have I done to deserve you?’ (relationships, breakups). So rich I can’t even comment further.
>’It’s tough out there… (others referring to the economy — to which I am unequivocally allergic and intolerant. The economy does NOT determine our destiny. WE do)
>’It’s not your time yet’ (if not now, then when? If not you, then who?) And how is it everyone else seems to know what’s best for you?! Wish I was that lofty and special. When everything’s superlative, nothing is.
>’Everyone has to pay dues.’ No shit, Sherlock. I don’t care how old you are, age is just a number. I care about who you are and how you have lived, how you treat others. It’s called experience, integrity –character. There are some who never amount to anything in life, never move beyond the maturity or mentality of a two-year-old.
Get over yourself.
When you’ve faced your mortality and pain like others do you might actually have something to say. Polarizing? Yes. This is me caring.
‘There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel’ or ‘It’s all been done before.’ Profound, tell me more.
And most nauseating: Maybe you’re not trying hard enough. Seriously? What about those who say don’t try too hard, don’t care too much? Again, all too inane to further comment.
Every f(expletive)-ing day, myself and countless others choose to get out of bed and face the same joke, the same lie:
A lie that says if you’re a first-generation degree holder in your family, you’ll break a cycle of financial stasis, income barrier. And not be wasting away in a part-time, minimum-wage job, isolated from loved ones, faces or places you call home and wandering a tired godforsaken place, people and cesspool of limitations, wondering how much longer until reprieve, some break that just might be deserved at some time or place in history.
A lie that says if you finance your own education, you’ll reap the benefits of easier transportation (a car perhaps), a better job and quality of life.
A lie that says you’ll be okay, because you know what it’s like to be on your own since 15, to have to fight and scrimp and scrape for everything you have and are.
A lie that says if you work over 10 years in the same industry and graduate college, you’ll be able to work at least full-time.
A lie that says we reward and hire on the value of merit, not seniority or favoritism.
A lie that says if you are loving and compassionate and give more than you take, you will not suffer or endure continual pain, struggle or challenges. That everyone is capable of gratitude, heart and altruism.
A lie that says anyone cares about you more than you could care for yourself, that anyone is invested in your well-being, worth and safety more than you are.
Call it pride, but when it comes down to it, I expect absolutely nothing of or from others. No one owes you anything. No one will love, trust, respect or work for you the way you can, will and must.
At the end of the day, the only one you have is YOU. Whether through tears of joy or despair, fits of fear or rage, remember it. Count on it.
And keep believing whatever delusions will move you until you reach the Truth of your heart, mind and body.
In the words of Rainer Maria Rilke: At the bottom no one in life can help anyone else in life. This one experiences over and over in every conflict and every perplexity: that one is alone. That isn’t as bad as it may first appear; and again it is the best thing in life that each should have everything in himself: his fate, his future, his whole expanse and world.